How does one build confidence? I had the pleasure of speaking to a group of female university students this week and was asked to share ways to build confidence. I immediately got excited because this is such an important topic for students, especially as they prepare to enter the workforce. As I was planning my speech, I was reminded of my own journey to build confidence…
It was January 3, 2009, I was 21 years old, and I was standing in my future in-laws’ kitchen. I was going to start student teaching the next day, and I was terrified. We had just finished celebrating my father-in-law’s birthday, and as my mother-in-law and I were cleaning up the kitchen, she asked, “Are you excited about tomorrow?” I could not disguise my true feelings any longer, and I proceeded to have an emotional meltdown. Despite having spent my entire Christmas break preparing lesson plans and rehearsing them, I just knew I was going to fall flat on my face. Those 18-year-old high school seniors were going to see right through me, realize I actually knew nothing, and my credibility and classroom management would be shot from day one. I was doomed, and the only thing I was confident about was how awful this semester of student teaching was going to be.
Dramatic? Yes. Real, in-the-moment feelings? Absolutely. If you ask people who have known me for years, they will probably tell you that I’ve always been the confident type. Externally, yes, I have probably appeared that way the majority of the time. I’ve always been one who puts on a brave face and goes for the goal set in front of me. The issue, as it is with many, was the internal battle I would face. I had to learn to build confidence instead of just fake it. If you can relate at all the story I just shared, here are five ways to build confidence and leave those professional insecurities in the rearview mirror.
Educate Yourself on Anxiety Triggers
If I could go back in time, I would introduce my twenty-year-old self to Dr. Valerie Young’s work on the Imposter Syndrome. Did you know that 70 percent of the population struggles with thoughts just like I explained in my story above? “I’m a fraud, people are going to see right through me!” “My past successes were just luck, there is no way I can do that again.” When I first found her work, I couldn’t get enough. It was like she was describing me perfectly! Male or female, I highly recommend Dr. Young’s book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women. It will change your perspective!
The key to educating yourself to build confidence is identifying the environment, situations, etc. that trigger your anxious thoughts. For me, it is new professional challenges. I love a new challenge. At first, I’m all in and ready to go. Then, the excitement wears off, and I start to panic, “What have I gotten myself into now? There is no way I can do this!” After educating myself and identifying what triggers my anxious thoughts, I’ve done a much better job at blocking those out when they come to mind and moving forward with what I know to be true; I am a strong, capable, and talented professional and can do and accomplish anything I set my mind to!
Build a Strong, Confident Tribe
If you want to build confidence, you have to build an awesome tribe. Whether you want to believe it or not, you become much like the five people you spend the most time with. All of those old clichés like “Iron sharpens iron” and “your team is only as strong as your weakest link” are accurate.
Think of the five people you spend the most time with. Do you leave their presence feeling confident and empowered or insecure and drained? Be choosey about who you have in your inner circle. These people have far more influence on your confidence level than you probably realize!
Strengths Exercise to Build Confidence
This next strategy is one of my favorite exercises that I use with my one-on-one coaching clients. I also make this an assignment in the career planning courses I teach at the college level. It is an excellent habit to seek professional feedback continuously; however, if you are working to build confidence, this is one of the most important steps you can take. Ok, ok, enough hype! Here are the details:
- Identify three people whom you interact with differently. (And, no, you can’t choose your parents, siblings, significant others, or best friends. If you want the best results, choose people you interact with in more professional settings. A supervisor, a colleague, a peer at college/university, and community members all make excellent contacts).
- Ask each person these two questions and allow them a day or two to think on them:
- What are my strengths?
- Describe a time you saw me at my best.
- While you are waiting for their feedback, answer those questions about yourself. What do you think your strengths are, and when do you feel like you’ve been at your best? When did you feel unstoppable?
- Compare their answers to your own.
I absolutely love debriefing this exercise with people because several things usually happen. One, what we view as a weakness other people often see much differently. Two, this exercise helps you build a much longer list of strengths. Third, it is amazing how helpful this exercise will be when you go for your next job interview. You’ll have stories and examples (from the second question) to back-up your responses to situational interview questions. The most significant benefit, though, will be the boost of confidence you feel after hearing this feedback!
End-of-the-Day List for a Confident Mindset
Remember me saying one of my lack-of-confidence triggers was embarking on new professional endeavors. Well, imagine what was going on inside my head as I started my own business! Yikes, you guys. I was a mess! I would go from feeling confident and unstoppable one minute to asking myself, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the next.
So, how did I stop this unhealthy and perpetual cycle? I had to build confidence…again. This time though, I took a different approach. I knew my focus had to change. Every night before I went to sleep, I sat in bed and wrote down five things that went well that day. In the beginning, they were as small as getting one new like on social media. After a while, though, I would breeze through writing five things and increased my list to 10 things that went well that day. A month into this new practice, I begin to recognize things as they were happening and thinking, “Oh, this is definitely going on my list tonight!” Soon, the insecurities were out the window, and my productivity was through the roof. Try this strategy and see how your confidence and mindset improve!
Start a File that will Build Confidence
This last strategy to build confidence can be an asset in many ways. If you don’t already have one, start a file for yourself. Save any evaluation, email, letter of recommendation, card, or piece of correspondence that lifts your spirits and boosts your confidence. We all have “rainy days” and referring back to this file will remind you of your accomplishments and successes. It can also act as a resource for job applications, interviews, etc. I save course evaluations from my students, emails from past clients, notes from colleagues, and performance evaluations from supervisors. When I need a boost or some reassurance, I take a quick look at one of the items in the file and then revisit my task with a new mindset and renewed confidence!
Confidence struggles come in many different forms. The number one fear of many students is choosing the wrong major or career. When I spoke to this group of students earlier in the week, No one raised their hand when I asked who felt confident in their decision regarding academic major. If you are a student who can relate to this fear (or a parent of a student who is struggling with this decision), check out my recent article, The Keys to Clarity. The steps I outline in that post will help you most past fear and uncertainty and into clarity and confidence about the future!
It takes time and consistency to build confidence; however, if you commit to focusing on one of these strategies for one month, I know you’ll see a difference in your outlook, mindset, and self-talk! I love talking self-development and would welcome a free, 30-minute chat to set a goal and action plan to move you forward. Book a free chat today!
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As an experienced educator and career coach, I sit down with students and young professionals one-on-one and assist them as they articulate their goals and develop a plan to gain career-relevant experience! I guide students through the internship search, application, and interview process, teaching them life-long skills for career success!
